Monday, October 29, 2007
The desire to cut...onself
I fall into deep depression, wanting to cry, scream in silence, and I don't have the guts to cut myself. I wonder from day to day where these feelings come from. My lifestyle is a pit hole with no light at the end of the tunnel. I found my happiness through Ted (My Boyfriend), I am truly happy with him, I feel his love for me, when he makes love to me and the way he holds me, he truly cares for me, I am In Love with him, but being In Love is not true happiness, just temperory happiness. When I'm not with him, I am lonely, scared, and frightened of the things I might inflict upon myself.
I pray, with every intention to become better. I write as if I am writing in my personal diary. Today I don't love myself, but tomorrow I might care, its me writing while taking medications and they seem to be over ruled...;(