Humility or Being Humble

“Humility or Being Humble”

The seventh step begins with the word “Humbly”. In the dictionary linked being humble with being humiliated which in turn pointed to being dishonored, disgraced, and shamed. Its synonyms includes “meekness,” “submissiveness,” and “lowliness.”. Humility draws only confusion to me, as one dictionary put it, “a feeling of inferiority and insignificance,” to feel inadequate and unworthy.

I didn’t want humility! Shame and feeling of inferiority haunted me not only in active alcoholism but even before, in childhood marked by various forms of abuse and neglect. I was a child who I felt I failed in every thing. I felt like a loner, hanging out with what everyone called “Nerds.” So step seven did not seem to be of any importance to recovery. Humility and being humble are mentioned a handful of times, page 164 in the “Big Book.” I later realized that humility~ as ~ humiliation was still clouding my thinking.

I was missing something, or rather something was missing. the “Twelve and Twelve,” the In whole emphasis of the Step is on humility. “A clear recognition of what and who we are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. It is “a healer of pain” and “the avenue to the true freedom of spirit,” which can bring us to a “great turning point in our lives.” There is no humble pie or groveling desire in any of this! A friend of mine mentioned how he had gotten his family back, job, and self-respect back; his health, wealth, and a cluster of good friends- all in which made him feel “humbled.” To me, it sounded more like gratitude…

Humility is not humiliation, although humiliation could bring us to it. It wasn’t gratitude, though humility could bring us gratitude.

To me, humility relates to power: it is the recognition and acceptance of the limits of my own power. I then began to understand that humility was indeed the foundation of all the Steps, and so could be a healer of the pain, a way to spiritual freedom, and a turning point in my life.

Each Step asks humility of us. It was grudging humility, but humility nevertheless, that led me to try and seek help for my alcoholism: still a turning point in my life.

The simple word “we” stands at the beginning to the “Steps,” reminds me that it is through God’s help and the help of others that I gain the strength to work towards the spiritual awakening that is the final goal of the “Twelve Steps.”
“I begin my journey’ “humility is the food that strengthen us on my way…

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Shame

Shame is associated with the expression of certain emotions. In many families, as well as in many cultures, expression of such feelings as anger, fear, sadness or vulnerability, may be met with shaming reproaches, such as "Pull yourself together," "Don't be a baby," "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about," or "YOU don't have anything to be afraid of." Pride is also a feeling that is often met with shameful condemnations, such as "Who do YOU think you are, Mr. Bigshot?," or "You're getting too big for your britches." Often these shaming admonitions are internalized, so that when we get in touch with any of these "shameful feelings" we will automatically feel shame, and try to control or hide the feelings, or, at the very least, to apologize profusely for them.

Clearly these shaming inner voices can do considerable damage to our self esteem. These self criticisms, that we are stupid, selfish, a show-off, etc., become, in varying degrees, how we see ourselves. For some of us, the inner critical judge is continuously providing a negative evaluation of what we are doing, moment-by-moment. As mentioned before, the inner critic may make it impossible for one to do anything right, telling you that you are too aggressive, or not aggressive enough, that you're too selfish, or that you let people walk all over YOU.
shame manifests itself physically in a wide variety of forms. The person may hide their eyes; lower their gaze; blush; bite their lips or tongue; present a forced smile; or fidget. Other responses may include annoyance, defensiveness, exaggeration or denial. Because the affect of shame often interferes with our ability to think, the individual may experience confusion, being at a loss for words, or a completely blank mind.

Helen B. Lewis, a pioneer in recognizing the importance of shame to psychotherapy, argued that shame really represents an entire family of emotions. This family includes: humiliation, embarrassment, feelings of low self-esteem, belittlement, and stigmatization. Shame is often a central ingredient in experiences of being:


alienated
hurt
intimidated
defeated.
rejected
dumped
rebuffed
stupid
bizarre
odd
peculiar
different
inadequate
helpless
powerless
defenseless
weak
insecure
uncertain
shy
ineffectual
inferior
flawed
exposed
unworthy

Shame Quotes
1.Shame is an ornament of the young; a disgrace of the old.
2.A nightingale dies for shame if another bird sings better.
3.If yet not lost to all the sense of shame.
4.O shame, where is thy blush?
5.If we are not ashamed to think it, we should not be ashamed to say it.